“Being Truely Nice” – by Sue Patton Thoele

               
From the Book “The Woman’s Book of Soul” by Sue Patton Thoele

Being Truly Nice

I recently me Jill, a young woman who is a joy to be around. Everyone loves her and gravitates toward her. I can see why, because she is genuinely nice to each person she encounters. Recently I watched her interact with Priscilla, her difficult-to-get-along-with mother-in-law.

While Pricilla was grumping about something-a fairly consistent habit of hers-Jill silently reached over and stroked her arm. No judgment, just an accepting presence. During the entire weekend I was in her company, I never heard Jill say anything that wasn’t upbeat. Consequently, we all felt good around her-safe, seen, even savored.

Niceness sometimes connotes wimpiness, but that interpretation usually comes from the fact that many of us have felt that it was expected of us to make nice even when we didn’t feel nice. When we realize that niceness is a natural outgrowth of deep kindness and caring, we can consciously choose to develop our niceness quotient. We can set our intention to truly being nice, rather than putting on a phony nice front. Often, the simple desire to grow our soul through niceness helps us focus on coming from our hearts where true niceness flourishes.

It’s perfectly okay to act nice even when we don’t feel it as long as we’re doing so from personal choice, not from a sense of obligation or fear. Freely choosing to act nice will actually help us begin to embody the authentic niceness of our hearts.

Nice not only wears well, but, generally, it also fares well, for kindness is never our-of-date or out-of-style and is welcome in all circles. Everyone enjoys being uplifted in the safe haven of nice attitudes and actions. Being truly nice, as Jill is, makes us a heart-lifter.

I choose to act in kind and caring ways.

I am a heart-lifter. 

 

Love Yourself in Action

You know, I have always heard the mantra, "You've got to love yourself first, before being able to love someone else." This is so true in so many ways, and not just in romantic relationships. It's true also about the way we see the world and the love we share with others in it.

In my experiences with love and romantic relationships, I have found them to be a mirror to my soul, forcing me to see the beautiful things and also the bad and the ugly. It's easy to say with words "I Love Me," especially when putting on a facade for others. It's hard, however, to face the realities of guilt and shame, or resentment. Yet, it is so necessary to put in the work and deal with our issues and work through them. Otherwise, they will act as a glass ceiling that we keep bumping our heads against when trying to move forward with our lives. 

If you look deep enough you will find that a part of you is still that scared or hurt little girl, though you are trying your hardest to be a strong, forward-moving woman. It is time to love that girl and in turn love yourself for exactly who you are right at this moment. Then, after you love yourself, have a relationship with yourself. Know yourself. Enjoy yourself and enjoy life.

There have been times that I have struggled and fought to make a relationship work, or "make" a person love me. Eventually, I got tired and decided to let go. I decided to put my love for myself in action, to trust in life's flow, which is so beautifully choreographed by God. I chose to not only love myself first, but to also act in that love by forming a relationship with myself and not stress or worry about my relationships with others. I learned to love freely, which can only be done once you love yourself so much that it overflows to others. You don't have to worry about protecting yourself or fighting because you are protected by the love and care that you have for yourself.

Test to see if your love for yourself is in action. 
Ask yourself these questions:

• Do I stand up for myself?
• Do I acknowledge the many blessings in my life each day?
• Do I praise and reward myself for my accomplishments?
• Do I not allow others to cross boundaries that violate who I am?
• Do I not allow myself over-compromise my feelings and settle?
• Do I hold in my thoughts and feelings?
• Do I allow myself to feel beautiful everyday?

The more yes's you have, shows your growth and your love for yourself in action. The no's expose areas in need of growth and attention. Please take the time to be your best self and love yourself for exactly who you are at any given moment. Show your love in action by taking care of and nurturing yourself.

How has having a relationship with yourself improved your life? In what ways have you shown your love in action? 

Discuss and leave your comments below!

Peace & Blessings

Phylicia  

   

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2011: New Chapter, New Me

My 2011 is going to be about enforcing change.

All of what I have been through, learned, and been shown will now be put into practice.

In 2 weeks, I will begin the 26th year of my life, beginning a new chapter,

A shedding of skin.

I am tired of tolerating, tired of standing still,

Tired of being neutral, I will take a stand.

I will stand and stay true to my purpose and what I want in life.

 I will no longer settle or fool myself with false realities and vain hopes.

No longer will I hold on to sadness.

I will not carry dead weight.

I will see my truth.

I will see reality.

I can no longer be strung along.

I will no longer believe in what's not there to believe in, deceiving myself.

I am determined to claim my prize and my promise.

And I will no longer settle for less.

I will no longer compromise my happiness.

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